obviously this represents a failure

(Source: geosmin)

BACK FROM THE GRAVE EDITION

• when polyvore links lead to ridiculous websites where nobody is going to order clothes, ever. i get it, it’s about aesthetics. but bite me, sometimes i want that perfect mint sweater or tangerine bracelet that’s being so wantonly flaunted and it’s a fucking disappointment when it’s out of stock in europe.
• being bitten on the goddamned face by a fucking stupid kitten when i already have a migraine in that specific side of my face
• bed bugs (everything is going to be fine shhh let’s not talk about it)
• people who yell at meter maids, because it’s COINS (what do you even use coins for, assface?) to pay for a meter and you DESERVE that ticket you big dumb idiot, how dare you YELL at someone who has a huge bummer of a job
• the fucking LORAX you guys, he sold out BIG time
• super ineffectual parents who talk to their children like adults. there’s a reason you don’t talk to children like they’re adults. that reason is THEY ARE CHILDREN and they are NOT CAPABLE of operating as adults. “please be more considerate” is not the best way to handle an unruly five year old. “i don’t like the way this is being handled” is going to break up exactly zero child-fights.
• cucumber soda
• bacon. also, milk. (i don’t want to live on this planet anymore.)

BONUS EDITION: THINGS I LOVE

• calling Woodland Hills “the Woodland Hills”
• cartoonin’ with Captain Kody Bubbles
• my cat is a cylon with redhot paws
• making SUPER DOPE packages for the Queen of Rhode Island
• you can give fake return addresses at FedEx and they give zero fucks
• lime-cucumber gatorade (BELIEVE IT)
• IT IS BASICALLY SUMMER ALREADY IN CALIFORNIA
• is the rest of America aware that you can get pancakes for $2 at Denny’s at like, any time of night? AND you can waste a bunch of quarters trying to win a stuffed Scooby Doo for your cylon cat? AND it will basically be bumpin’ with all kinds of people (ALL kinds, ALL kinds) and if you’re lucky the waiter will get you all your food even if he seems totally baked out of his gourd?
• prescription strength everything
• when short people ask tall people to reach top shelf items for them at the grocery store. maybe someday i will just say no and walk away, but probably i will just keep handing things to the shorties.
• INTRODUCING ALL MY DUDE FRIENDS TO MAD EPISODES OF STAR TREK

folkinz:

in no particular order

• phoebe & ursula buffay
• brandon & brenda walsh
• steve urkel & stefan urquelle
• zach & cody martin
• patty & selma bouvier
• phil & lil deville
• parker & porter scavo
• tia & tamera campbell

• more books
• Whoopi Goldberg as a preschool teacher
• monthly Halloween
• a little brother
• all-hours access to the park around the corner
• to keep my fish from jumping out of his bowl
• to avoid ever having bears or gorillas in the backyard

• mime
• clowns
• audience participation
• asking a person on stage
• musicians in restaurants who drift around and play right next to your table

“Thor should have taken place in San Francisco, not the desert.”

The only reasoning for this that I can remember:

• something about rainbows (the rainbow bridge + the rainbow of a pride flag?)
• more culture shock for Thor (the best parts of that movie tbh)
• fog (idk)

• woke up and thought my tweaked neck was untweaked (wrong)
• missed the earthquake (probably on the bus)
• missed the bus (ugh)
• sunburn from perfume (alcohol burnssssss)

• stolen beauty products (my sister spent her allowance on all manner of products for a number of years, resulting in the largest private collection of make-up, perfume, and hair enhancing potions in the modern world)
• souvenir Braves cups
• muscle relaxer found in the bottom of my purse

GRRM really has no idea about clothes, does he? There are a million wardrobe choices that have made me cringe, including:

• Jaime entering the hall of Winterfell wearing “crimson silk, high black boots, and a black satin cape.” Two different kinds of shiny fabric, “high” boots, and a black and red color scheme? The gauntlet has been thrown for ridiculous outfits.
• Littlefinger wearing a purple velvet doublet and a yellow satin cape. Why so much satin? Is there anything tackier than satin in the whole world? This cape (not to mention the ghastly combination of colors) undermines my entire image of Littlefinger.
• Also, clothes that are confusing with regard to the weather. Kings Landing was hot, right? At first? So why are people wearing all this satin and velvet and all these goddamn capes? When Littlefinger introduces himself to Sansa, he’s wearing a thick cloak with a fur collar. He’s outdoors and it’s summer.
• Satin everywhere, basically. Satin trimmed capes, satin dresses, ugh so much satin.
• Tyrion Lannister’s thigh high boots with three inch lifts? heels? who knows. Wouldn’t it be more advantageous to elongate the line of his short legs by wearing short boots instead of looking like someone lowered him into his brother’s boots?
• Actually, he wears boots that make him taller more than once. Tyrion is already a mess of ego and power-tripping and the idea of him wearing lifts just sends me over the edge.
• These low-cut off-the-shoulder gowns that ladies be wearin’. I can’t help feeling that in the days before costume tape, that would be a very precarious arrangement, especially when you’re riding horses and stuff. (Margaery Tyrell, I am looking at you.)
• So many things are encrusted with jewels and pearls! I guess you have to be strong to be wealthy, since you have to cart around fifty pounds of velvet and gemstones whenever you get dressed up. Obviously, “less is more” is not a thing in Westeros.
• Joffrey’s black and crimson striped breeches or pants or whatever. Like father, like son, I guess.

freshorphresh:

Presenting Horrible Movie Clichés, an illustrated guide, brought to you by the New York International Latino Film Festival.

(via film-schooled)

• desk chairs that tilt back, even the slightest bit
• why was Emma Frost in Wolverine: Origins AND in X-men First Class? what’s going on here? is X-men First Class JJ Abramsing the whole franchise? 
• what if Ricky and Amy don’t make it as a couple on Secret Life? WHAT THEN?

• Bran, in his entirety
• Jon crying all over the place
• Sansa being adorable and hopeful and sweet
• Catelyn worrying about her kids
• Catelyn wanting to have another baby
• the writing (ugh. ugh. ugh. it’s bad enough seeing the same sets of adjectives and phrases used over and over again for the same things THE FIRST TIME. i get it, eyes like emeralds or whatever. come up with some new material or STOP DESCRIBING THE SAME THINGS.)
• I keep getting lost in fantasies about the actor who plays Jaime (there’s lots of hair-tossing involved)
• descriptions of things, places, and people who are UTTERLY DOOMED

• tumblr (duh, you may say)
• drinking water regulations: guidance for nuisance chemicals
• christian bale, wet

• watching the extras in party scenes
• craig ferguson at 4pm, like he’s oprah (he’s better)
• the hair products i stole from my sister
• clean sheets and heavy blankets
• cups of tea by the dozen
• myself

• put on make-up
• cry all day, thus ruining make-up
• eat popsicles, thus saving day